April 28, 2016 at 12:03 pm
Did you ever notice that your child plays great one on one with another child and they might even play great with a larger group of kids but when you break it down to three.. i yi yi!! I often saw as my girls were little the dynamic of three was always hard. Sometimes it works out great and other times it is mass chaos. I would observe this and think oh this shall pass, they are little they don't understand it. Well let me be the first to tell you it doesn't. As my girls are in middle school, I am often reminded that the laws of three is very hard. Again sometimes it is phenomenal and great and others not so much. Is it insecurity? Are you imagining that you are being excluded? Are you excluding someone and not realizing it? These are all questions I am continually asking the girls. A lot of times I think it is in their head. Then other times after listening to what is happening you realize it is another person in the three that feels threatened, insecure and their only defense is to be mean, push you out or torment you. It is hard enough as adults to navigate friendships, marriages, and just life BUT coming up with a good way to help your kids navigate through all these tough situations is enough to make you hit the wine bottle at night. One of my daughters is just so easy going, she very rarely comes home with friend drama but she lays low and has a small group of friends. My other daughter, lord help me, that girl has so much drama it could fuel a car. I listen to her complain and wipe her tears on a weekly basis. The hard part is after you hear the same song and dance you literally get to the point where you want to say to her, that is it you can never talk to these girls again. But she does go to catholic school and shouldn't we forgive? The problem is she is like a punching bag. Some days you just lightly tap it and other days you beat the shit out of it. And for her the law of three has expanded to four and five girls. And while she has no problem with a couple of the girls the other ones are night and day. Some days all you hear is " oh she is my bae" and how great they are. Then in less than 24 hours your kid comes home crying because that "BAE" basically tormented and spread rumors about your daughter all day. The tears, the crying and the I am miserable starts again. It is a vicious cycle, week after week. You try to explain that said "BAE" is not a true friend. A true friend doesn't treat you like this. A true friend doesn't tear your heart out and kick it around only to realize oh hey I need them for the next day to be my friend. These are not friendships. They are friends of convenience. I too had to learn this lesson with adult friends in the last couple of years. It sucks and is hard. Being a kid can be hard. They have so many things going on, between hormones, getting older and being more responsible and then the social media on top of everything else - well it is just hard. My door is always open for my kids and we have a great rapport. They tell me pretty much everything which is great. But I will say at some point you just want to say...."you will have friends that are utter bitches and you can either accept that and hold them at a distance or you have to move on."
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